On the 7th May 2013 in the Rory Gallagher theatre at the Cork Institute of Technology, Early Years Education students performed Alice in Wonderland. The following is the script they used which is adapted from the book by Lewis Carroll.
Alice in Wonderland
Characters: Alice, Lorina, White Rabbit, Key, Caterpillar, The Pigeon, Fish Footman, Frog Footman, Duchess, Cook, Cheshire Cat, March Hare, Mad Hatter, Dormouse, Two, Seven, Five. King, Queen, Knave, Jury.
Scene 1: Under the tree in her garden.
(Curtain closed, Alice and her sister Lorina are sitting on the steps in front of the stage. Lorina is reading a book)
Alice Lorina, I am bored, there is nothing to do.
Lorina: It is such a lovely day why don’t you sit with me under the tree and read your book.
Alice My book is silly. It all about a rabbit that talks. I mean you have heard of a talking rabbit.
Lorina: (Yawns and stretches) I think I will go for a snooze. (She falls asleep and Alice tries to read her book).
(Suddenly from the back of the theatre comes a White Rabbit, he is in a panic and looking at his watch)
White Rabbit I’m late, I’m late, I’m late for a very important date.
(He runs passed Alice, through the curtains and on to the stage out of sight.)
Alice Boys and girls, did I just see a talking White Rabbit? He has just run down a rabbit hole.
Alice Do you think I should follow him down them the rabbit hole?
Alice Mr White Rabbit, please wait for me. (She runs after the White Rabbit.)
Scene 2: The rabbit hole/the curious hallway
(She stands on the stage and it is dark, and she starts to fall into the rabbit hole)
Alice Oh my goodness. I’m falling, I’m falling. If I don’t stop I will end up near the centre of earth. I might even end up in Australia where everything is upside down and the wrong way around. Somebody help me.
(She falls and then stops suddenly and she is in a curious hall with a door with a small locked door.)
Alice What a curious place this is. I see a really beautiful garden through the key hole. The door is too small how will I get in?
Key: Here use me to open the door.
Alice I can’t because the door is too small for me to fit in.
Key: Drink this. (The key gives Alice a bottle that says drink me.)
Alice I’m shrinking. (Alice is too small to get through the door.) I will never get through the door now. I’m too small.
Key: Never fear. Eat this piece of cake and you will grow bigger.
Alice (She takes a bite out of the cake.) Curiouser and curiouser! Now I’m opening out like the largest telescope that ever was. Goodbye, feet! Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I’m sure I shan’t be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself about you: you must manage the best way you can… Oh dear, what nonsense I’m talking!
White Rabbit: (entering on the run, carrying a fan and some gloves) Oh! The Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! Won’t she be savage if I’ve kept her waiting!
Alice If you please, sir –
White Rabbit: Ahhhh! (He drops the fan and gloves and hightails it offstage.)
Alice: (calling to White Rabbit) Wait!! (Picks up the gloves and fan)
Alice Curiouser and curiouser, I’m growing smaller again and now I can get through the garden door.
Scene 3 – The Magical Garden
Caterpillar: Who are YOU?
Alice: I – I hardly know, sir, just at present – at least I know who I was when I got up this morning but I think I must have been changed several times since then.
Caterpillar: What do you mean? Explain yourself!
Alice: I can’t explain MYSELF, I’m afraid, sir because I’m not myself, you see.
Caterpillar: I don’t see.
Alice: I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly, for I don’t understand it myself.
Caterpillar: Who are you?
Alice: I think you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.
Caterpillar: Why? (Alice stamps the ground and walks away) Come back! I’ve something important to say! (Alice returns) Keep your temper.
Alice: Is that all?
Caterpillar: No. So you think you’re changed, do you?
Alice: I’m afraid I am, sir, I can’t remember things as I used to. I can’t keep the same size.
Caterpillar: What size do you want to be?
Alice: Oh, I’m not particular as to size; only one doesn’t like changing so often, you know.
Caterpillar: Are you content now?
Alice: Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn’t mind. Three inches is such an awful height to be.
Caterpillar: It is a very good height indeed!
Alice: But I’m not used to it!
Caterpillar: One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter.
Alice: One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?
Caterpillar: Of the mushroom.
(The Caterpillar gives Alice the mushroom and exits.)
Alice: And now which is which? (She takes a bite) Whoa!!!!!
The Pigeon enters.
Pigeon: (he pecks ALICE in the head) Serpent!
Alice: I’m not a Serpent! Let me alone!
Pigeon: (he pecks her again) Serpent I say again!
Alice: I haven’t the least idea what you’re talking about.
Pigeon: As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching the eggs but I must be on the lookout for serpents night and day. I haven’t had a wink of sleep.
Alice: I’m sorry you’ve been annoyed.
Pigeon: And just as I’d taken to the highest tree in the wood and just as I was thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from the sky! SERPENT! (attacks Alice)
Alice: I am not a Serpent, I tell you! I’m a… I’m a…
Pigeon: Well! What are you? I can see you’re trying to invent something.
Alice: I’m a little girl.
Pigeon: A likely story. I’ve seen a good many little girls in my time, but never one with such a neck as yours. No, no, you’re a serpent; and there’s no use denying it. I suppose you’ll be telling me next that you’ve never tasted an egg.
Alice: I have, but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents you know.
Pigeon: I don’t believe it. You’re looking for eggs and what does it matter to me whether you’re a little girl or a serpent?
Alice: It matters a good deal to me! But I’m not looking for eggs and if I was I shouldn’t want yours.
Pigeon: Well, be off with you then. Pigeon pushes Alice and she falls.
Alice (picks up the mushroom) The mushroom, I almost forgot and grows back to her normal size.
Scene 4: Outside the Duchess’s palace
ALICE I’ve got back to my right size: I wonder? (sees the door) Whoever lives there?
Frog Footman: (holding an invitation out the Fish Footman) For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet.
Fish Footman: Thank you. There’s no sort of use in knocking, and that is for two reasons. First, because I’m on the same side of the door as you are. Secondly, because they’re making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.
Alice: How am I to get in?
Frog Footman: There might be some sense in your knocking, if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.
Alice: How am I to get in?
Fish Footman: I shall sit here till tomorrow or next day maybe… I shall sit here, on and off, for days and days.
Alice: But what am I to do?
Frog Footman: Anything you like? (the door opens and Alice grabs the invitation runs through)
Inside the Duchess’s Place.
Cook is throwing plates and cups around.
Alice: Where is the Duchess?
Cook: She is over there.
Duchess: Cook, what are you doing?
Cook: I making soup for lunch.
Duchess; Who are you? And who let you in
Alice: I’m Alice. The fish and frog footman. Well they didn’t stop me.
Duchess: I have to get rid of them. Cook remind me to get of rid of the fish and frog footman.
Cook: I was planning on making fish/frog stew tomorrow so we needed to get new footman anyway.
Alice: I have an invitation from the queen.
Duchess: (Looks at invitation) she wants me to go to the croquet game.
Alice: Are you going?
Duchess: I don’t know she usually sends me to the prison tower when I beat her.
Alice: She is a sore loser, then?
Duchess: I must get ready. Cook come and help me. (Both leave the stage.)
(Alice sees a Cheshire cat)
Alice: Why are you grinning?
Cheshire cat: Cheshire cats always smile.
Alice: Can you please tell me where I go from here?
Cheshire Cat: Well that depends where you want to go.
Alice: I don’t mind.
Cheshire Cat: Then, it doesn’t matter where you go?
Alice: Well, what sorts of people live in this direction? (points to left)
Cheshire cat: In the that direction lives the hatter and in that direction lives the March Hare. Both of them are mad.
Alice: I don’t want to meet mad people.
Cat: Oh dear! Don’t you know? We are all mad here. You must be mad.
Alice: How do you know?
Cat: You must be or else you wouldn’t have come here. Are you going to play croquet with the queen?
Alice: I would like to but I haven’t been invited.
Cat: Well, I’ll see you there.
Alice: I’ve seen hatters before. The March Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won’t be raving mad – at least not as mad as it was in March.
Scene 6: The Tea party
Hare, Hatter, Dormouse: Twinkle, twinkle little bat, How I wonder what you are at. (sings twice.)
(Alice tries to join them but they start yelling at her.)
Hare, Hatter, Dormouse: No room, No room.
Alice: There is plenty of room.
March Hare: Have some wine?
Alice: I don’t see any wine.
March Hare: That is because there isn’t any. (All laugh).
Alice: Well it wasn’t very nice of you to offer.
March Hare: Well it wasn’t very nice of you to sit down without being invited.
Alice: It isn’t your table it is laid for a great deal more than three.
Hatter: Your hair wants cutting.
Alice: Keep your personal remarks to yourself.
Hatter: The butter has crumbs in it.
March Hare: Well you shouldn’t have put your bread knife in it.
Alice: What a funny watch! It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell what o’clock it is!
Hatter: Why should it? Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?
Alice: Of course not, but that’s because it stays the same year for such a long time together.
Hatter: Which is just the case with MINE.
Alice: I don’t quite understand you.
Hatter: The Dormouse is asleep again.
Alice: Oh what a waste of time. Wake up Dormouse!
Hatter: If you knew Time as well as I do, you wouldn’t talk about wasting IT. It’s a HIM.
Alice: I don’t know what you mean.
Hatter: Of course you don’t! I dare say you never even spoke to Time!
Alice: Perhaps not, but I know I have to beat time when I learn music.
Alice: Ah! That accounts for it, he won’t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you’d only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for Lunch!
March Hare: I only wish it was.
Alice: That would be grand, certainly, but then – I wouldn’t be hungry for it, you know.
Alice: Is that the way YOU manage?
Hatter: Not I! We quarreled last March – just before HE went mad, you know – it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing, “Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you’re at!” You know the song, perhaps?
ALICE: I’ve heard something like it.
Hatter: It goes on, you know, in this way: – “Up above the world you fly, like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle –”
Dormouse: (sleepily) Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle –”
Hatter: Well I hardly finished when the queen jumped up and said “he is murdering time, off with his head.
Alice The queen doesn’t sound very nice.
Hatter: Since then he won’t do a thing I ask. It is always six o’clock.
Alice is that why all the tea things are out?
Hatter: We never get a chance to wash up.
March Hare: I think Alice should tell us a story.
Alice I don’t have a story to tell.
March Hare: Dormouse, tell us a story.
Dormouse: Ok, Once upon a time there were three sisters who lived in the bottom of a well.
Alice: What did they live on?
Dormouse: Treacle.
Alice They must have been very ill.
Dormouse: Yes, they were very ill.
March Hare: Have some more tea, Alice.
Alice: How can I have more when I hadn’t any to begin with?
March Hare: Well, how can you have less, then?
Alice: Why did they live in the bottom of the well?
Dormouse: Because it was treacle well.
Alice: there is no such thing.
Dormouse: Stop interrupting.
Mad Hatter: I need a new cup, lets all move down a place.
Alice: This is the stupidest tea party I was ever at in my life.
Hatter, hare, dormouse: Shrug their shoulders and run off singing twinkle twinkle little bat.
(suddenly a rose tree appears)
3 playing cards of hearts are painting it.
Two of hearts: Be careful five you are splashing paint all over me.
Five: I can’t help it, seven pushed me.
Seven: No I didn’t, why do I always get the blame.
Alice: What is going on here?
Seven: Oh my! You scared us. I nearly lost a year of my life. I nearly became six again.
Two: Well you see, we planted a white rose bush and the queen wanted a red one. So we are trying to change before she turns up.
Five: Red Alert! Red Alert! The queen is coming.
They all bow as the queen inspects the rose bush. She notices Alice.
Queen: Who is this?
Cards: We have no idea.
Queen: Well off with her head.
King: But she is only a child.
Queen: Well do you play croquet.
Alice: Why, yes.
Queen: Well come on then.
(King gives Alice a Flamingo.)
Alice: But this is a flamingo and the balls are hedgehogs.
King: Well how else will we play?
The croquet game
Alice hits the ball and misses the White Rabbit.
White Rabbit: It is a fine day for a game of croquet.
Alice: Where is the Duchess?
White Rabbit She has been sent to the high tower. She is to be executed.
Alice Why?
White Rabbit: because she boxed the queen’s ears.
Alice starts to laugh
White Rabbit: Hush, she will hear you.
Queen: Get to your places, off with their heads. Off with their heads.
Cheshire Cat: How are you getting on?
Alice: Not very well, they are not playing fairly.
Cat: How do you like the queen?
Alice She is not very nice. Is she?
There is a fanfare.
White Rabbit Quick the trial is about to start.
The trial
The king and queen sit on their throne. The knave kneels before them.
Knave: I am not guilty. I didn’t do it.
King: Ace read the charges.
Ace: The Queen of Hearts
She made some tarts,
All on a summer’s day;
The Knave of Hearts
He stole those tarts.
King: Call the first witness.
Hatter: I haven’t finished my tea.
King: Next witness. Give your evidence.
Cook: The tarts are made of treacle.
King: Call the next witness.
Ace: The next witness is Alice.
King: What do you know of this business?
Alice:Nothing.
King: Well all the evidence points to knave being guilty.
Alice: No it doesn’t. It proves nothing of the sort.
Queen: Hold your tongue.
Alice No I won’t. You are all nothing but a pack of cards.
Jury: Off with her head.
(Everyone rushes for Alice and the lights go off. Curtains close and Alice comes outside and sits in the steps. She is sleeping)
Lorina: Alice, Wake up, wake up it is time to go home for tea. We are having treacle tart tonight.
Alice :(confused) it must have been a dream after all.
